Just Ignore It, Maybe It Will Disappear
by aretsuna
Summary: How to deal with unexpected mixed feelings about your best friend apparently falling in love with you. A series of scenes from Simmons POV. Or „Four times Simmons didn't try to figure it out, like totally not, and one time after she did"


One of the advantages of living in the Playground was her room. Not the tiny bunk, but actual room, with bed and wardrobe and desk and even a big mirror. Simmons was brushing her hair while watching her reflection and smiled content. The floor was stable, no rocking, no wavering, no shaking, no turbulences. No need to worry of every sound of footsteps outside her doors, no danger of someone breaking in with a gun. Yes, living in a secret base had it perks, especially compared to living on a plane or undercover.

She put the hairbrush away and took a strand of her short hair to tuck it behind her ear.

„_Not 'bad' different. Just..."_. What does that even mean? That Fitz liked her short hair better than when she had it long? Or that she looked not so bad in new haircut but he preferred the old one?

She furrowed her brows and took her eyeshadows, applying it carefully.

Well, whatever, she felt better after she had her hair cut. Anyway, they were both too intelligent to judge people by their looks. And she liked her shorter hair. Those loose ends which couldn't be tied in a ponytail were nice too. And her new, darker eyeshadows, bringing out the colour of her eyes. She simply liked looking good. Nothing bad with it.

* * *

><p>Fitz had been calling her 'Simmons' for years. It was natural. He was Fitz, she was Simmons. Together they were Fitzsimmons.<p>

She started to wonder lately when will be the next time he would call her by her given name. He did that from time to time, and it was always a nice surprise. A reminder that they used to be closer, to talk for hours about everything, with no awkwardness at all. Also a painful reminder of what he had said at the bottom of the ocean. A reminder of his... admiration was not the right word. She wondered if him calling her 'Jem' was a diminutive or just his stuttering. She liked hearing this coming out of his mouth. Even if usually nothing good was coming after this. Still, the word was... Nice. Nobody had ever called her that. _Jem_. Like a precious, little stone. Like a treasure.

Sometimes she had this unexplained urge to call him 'Leo'. To just say it and see how it would feel rolling out of her tongue. But she had known better than that. He wouldn't like it. He had always insisted to be called by his family name. He had told her once, back in the Academy, that his name doesn't suit him and feels like a bad joke. Which was absurd, given that he was one of the braves people she had ever known.

She looked at him through the window. He was working on something with Mack, some repairs probably. They were talking and he hadn't noticed her standing there yet. That was good. He worked more efficiently when he wasn't aware she was near.

Mack must had said something funny, because they both smiled, Fitz losing remains of his nervous, pained expression he wore constantly in her presence, his face brightening a little.

A dizziness came as a surprise along with commotion that spread through her stomach, which was strange, because she was sure everything she'd eaten that morning was fresh and healthy. Maybe it was milk in her tea. She hadn't checked it before pouring it into her mug.

Next time she would be more careful with her food.

* * *

><p>A sweater or a blouse, which one should she choose today? She searched through her wardrobe, while yawning just a little and decided on the blouse. She took it out, but her eyes lingered for a second on the green one still hanging inside. One day, long before Playground and Hydra and the Pod Fitz told her she looks good in green. That was probably after the Berseker Staff. Seemed like a century ago. She had been looking at the green blouse for a while but decided against wearing it. She had already chosen, so she started to put on a navy one. Besides, there was no reason to change her mind just because she happened to remember that Fitz had once thought green looks nice. Especially since she still hadn't addressed his declaration from the Pod and was still not ready to answer it one way or the other. No. It would be better to not trigger anything since she was still not ready to deal with all this confusion and complications. Better not to provoke anything with her above average fashion sense and looks.<p>

She would stick with her first decision regarding her clothes for today, she decided, while putting on an emerald necktie.

* * *

><p>They were both working in the lab which was not usual lately. Coulson has brought some samples for her to analyse, due to yesterday, thank you very much, and some broken device of unknown origin, probably new Hydra- developed stuff, that he wanted Fitz to check. The matter was urgent, so there was no time for avoiding each other and they had to work in the same lab. Fitz settled in a far corner of the room, turning a little toward the wall and away from her. She could catch only a glimpse of his face every now and then, when he turned to look at the device from a different angle.<p>

He looked different. Of course, she had noticed it the moment she had come back from her undercover mission, but she never had the opportunity to take a closer look at him. He was working on the device for five minutes now, and it had already been taken apart. Mack came to help him, so they were both too occupied by this piece of tech to notice her eyes lingering to their side of the lab. She had to wait for results of her tests, so she observed him more closely. His hair was shorter, not long enough to curl as it used to. And he had a light stubble covering large part of his jaw which somehow made it look more firm. That was new too. Fitz had always been perfectly shaved, his face clean and boyish, his shirt always carefully buttoned all the way, usually with a tie around his neck. Last time she had seen him wearing a tie was the moment Ward ejected them from the Bus. When she woke up at the bottom of the ocean, his tie was already gone, his face bruised and smiling sadly, his arm in a sling. Since then top buttons of his shirts were always undone. Along with his stubble it made him look more casual and grown at the same time. He didn't look like an underage boy anymore. And his arms were broader. She wondered if that was because of jumpers or muscles. After all, he was doing quite a lot of physiotherapy, mostly coordination and muscle strengthening. It could have some nice side effects...

Speaking about arms, how comes she never really registered how symmetrical his body was? Maybe not ideally-straight-from-the-dreamworld formed or super high, but he had quite nice shoulders and lithe frame, that was surprisingly good looking and suiting the rest of him into perfection. Also he wasn't towering over her and crushing her with his height like Mack or even Bobbi. Near Fitz she wasn't a shrimp, she was just the right height to lay her forehead on his arm. Not that she wanted to. Well, that would be nice, since they were friends and all. She should really focus on her research right now, thank you very much.

She looked away but since it was still too early for the chemical reaction she started to show any results, her eyes continued to wander around the lab. It was also worth noting that this blue shirt looked really nice on him. Bringing out the colour of his eyes probably, she was too far away to really appreciate the effect.

Oh My, he started smiling again. She really should focus on her microscope. Like. Right. Now.

* * *

><p><em>Today is the day <em>she repeated in her head over and over. She had ironed her green blouse yesterday, she washed her hair twice and spend half an hour curling it, because it just couldn't stay the way she wanted it to. _It's time_. She will tell him. _It's today_ and nothing will stop her, she will finally tell him.

She even put her lucky earrings, the ones she had worn to every exam she had ever taken. She put her eyeshadows and mascara, spend five minutes choosing the best lipstick and stared at her reflection in a mirror for a minute.

She took a deep breath.

_Ok, that's it. Time to do this._

Plan was simple. She had it all figured out two days before. She will go to the lab, or garage, where Fitz should be working. It was early enough for the rest of the staff to still be eating breakfast, so the two of them would be alone. She will come to him and tell him her answer. Simple. Everything will go smoothly. Yes. In ten minutes it will be over. Ten minutes of stress and then she will be able to finally relax and breath with relief.

She found him in a lab, as expected.

There were other people there. Which was not as expected at all. Fitz was standing near one of the desks, but May, Skye, Triplett and Hunter were also there. That was a lot of people. They shouldn't be here, that was not a part of the plan. Why would they come here and ruin her perfect scheme? She spend three days preparing everything, turning it over and over in her head! There were lots of other places in the Playground for them to be right now, why they had to come here? She stood by the door, hesitating whether she should enter or wait for a better opportunity. But she has to tell him, now. _It's time!_ The time is now and she has to tell, but there are people there.

Lucky earrings her arse. Of course they would only work for exams, she should have known better.

„_Grab it and walk out like you own it"_ Yes, that really was a good advice for someone with confidence problems.

She clenched her jaw in determination and stormed into the lab.

"Fitz!"

He looked up from his work and at her, with this deer-in-the-headlights look. Ok, that was not a good start, but today is the day, and she will be strong and she will tell him and she will not back down and run away.

"Y-yes?" he asked carefully.

She swallowed and took a deep breath.

"You too are more" she furrowed her brows the moment she closed her lips. What the hell happened with her prepared speech, not to mention her syntax usage?

He looked at her, confusion more and more evident on his face. He didn't understand, that much was obvious and tension was rising in the room.

"Ok, I know he is more intelligent than the rest of us, but just coming in the middle of a debate and showing that in our faces is a little insensitive. And that's coming from me" said Hunter with irritation."Besides it's not a valid argument to prove he is right, we can't just do as he says only because he happens to be smart."

Well, that was certainly not a part of her plan. Seems like she missed something and accidentally said something connected to whatever they were doing in here.

"No! No I didn't mean that." whatever '_that_' was. "I mean..." she focused on Fitz again "About what you said to me. Before. In the pod."

_Silence._

"I have to go for this... Thing I left in my room. Yeah, coming back for it, right now, it's really important" Triplett left in a hurry.

May didn't need excuses, she was far beyond them. She just turn an left, ghost of a smile on her lips.

Skye stayed with her mouth slightly open and standing still next to Hunter. Simmons forgot about them after a second, **because Fitz was not responding**.

"I-I..." he started, brow furrowing "Um... Y-you...well" he started waving his right hand in her general direction "I. I, um..." another wave, this time from side to side, eyes looking up and away from her, as if he was trying to read the answer from the ceiling.

World around her started to spin a little.

No. This was not happening. No, no, no. This was not a rejection. This was his aphasia, it had to be. He had told her back in the Pod. Did she misunderstand? No, impossible. It was aphasia, certainly. But lately he was speaking in sentences with not so much of a difficulty. A rejection then. He could have changed his mind. It was 8 months and 12 days, took her long enough to figure out an answer. Dear Lord, what the bloody hell was she even thinking, just coming like this instead of keepeing her mouth shut?

She won't give him the word 'sorry' or 'mistake', that's for sure. She could just run away and they would all simply forget it ever happened.

"I. You, well..." he tried again, now twisting his hand with other.

"Fitz loves you too, right?" prompted Hunter watching struggling engineer with concern.

She wanted to yell at him for sticking his nose in business that wasn't his at all. She started to turn, but in that moment Fitz started to nod vigorously and wave his hand in Hunter's direction. She froze.

"Yes. Yes, that." he agreed, but there was anger and anguish on his face now. _Because he couldn't say it by himself, _it occurred to her. _And he wanted to..._

"Really?" her knees were getting weak, and who cared about the rest of the lab apart from the space Fitz was standing in.

"Of course." he furrowed his brows slightly, like it was so obvious he was surprised she didn't get it before.

She smiled and just couldn't keep her hands to herself. She hugged him tightly and breathed in his scent while he put his right arm around her. Just for a moment she didn't care about future times because present was perfect.

* * *

><p><strong>Notes:<strong>

1) It was supposed to be a short story. It started with 'Fitz being unable to say he loves Simmons back because of his aphasia' but then I thought about all their miscommunication which could ruin even a love confession and about adding a part of Simmons denying every possible signs and being oblivious to love. And that's how this has happened.

2) I'm not a doctor, but from what I've seen in a show, Fitz has more trouble with finding words when he's nervous/ in the center of attention/ near Simmons. So I thought that if Simmons would tell him she loves him, he would probably be so stressed it would cause him to have problems with speaking again.

3) I hope nobody will see this dress-up and checking Fitz out as too shallow. It is a part of falling in love, after all. I figured, that during their ten years of friendship they have already established all mental and intellectual links as well as big parts of emotional ones. That being said, the physical attraction would be a new thing for Simmons, while all other types were already present for years.

4) To all hoping that in the end they will 'just kiss already'- I don't believe in all this: 'and they kissed and everything was sugar and rainbows after that'. I believe in step-by-step, no need to hurry transition and building strong foundations. The idea of them just kissing, like at the end scene of some movie, just doesn't seem right to me. Sorry if that disappointed you.

5) Simmons hasn't noticed, but Skye did drag Hunter out of the lab at the end, giving them some privacy.

6)And the one note that's really IMPORTANT (for me). I've written this for a purpose. I have to choose courses for my student exchange and there are these creative writing classes. Problem is, the course is in English and all creative writing I've ever written is in my mother language. Long story short, I wanted to see if I'm capable of writing fiction in English. Some feedback would be really nice and helpful in making this decision, so please, if it's not too much trouble, let me know what you think in some way or other.

7)Thank you so much for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it at least a little bit :)


End file.
